Sex: after a long period of abstaining, I hesitate of having discomfort

My pal and I are stressed about beginning a sexual life once again after several years of abstinence together. I’m scared of hurting, and he’s scared it will not work. What to do to make whatever go well? asks Carine, 50 years old. Dr. Catherine Solano, sexologist and andrologist doctor (Cochin Hospital, Paris) addresses him.

First off, congratulations for having actually discussed this period of your sex life with such simplicity with your brand-new buddy. This situation is a growing number of frequent with the boost in the number of divorces, separation and the increase in life span.

alking about it together is an exceptional thing, not just for communication in between you, but likewise since it allows you to unload your stress and anxieties: talking about your fears assists to leave them in big part. This might not be enough to resolve a problem, but it contributes substantially to minimizing it.

On the other hand, understanding that you are feeling stressed puts you on an even keel. You are therefore no longer scared to begin with someone very sure of himself! The circumstance of equality is far better for whatever to work out.


Above all, do not feel required to state to yourself: “Such a day at such a time, we will have our first sexual intercourse together”. Rather, believe for a while, not to hurry, to hug each other, sexual caresses without going as far as penetration. Type of like teenagers.

These are constantly fun times, devoid of the stress of prospering and getting to know each other’s bodies and seeing that your body and sex are working.


In your corner, for everything to go well, you require sufficient enjoyment, one that causes excellent lubrication associated with vaginal relaxation. This is attained by long foreplay, at least 20 minutes of non-sexual caresses and hugs prior to moving on to the genital area.

In case of intimate dryness, utilize a lubricating gel for a protected relationship with a condom. It is frequently essential. And if you are postmenopausal without hormone treatment, consult your medical professional to ask him for regional vaginal hormonal treatment. This treatment permits the vulva and vaginal area to be well hydrated, extremely “soft” and not to become fragile and hypersensitive after menopause.


When it comes to your buddy, after a disturbance of sexuality of more than six months, a man often has less excellent erections when he starts his sexual life once again. And solo masturbation in the meantime doesn’t alter that. When sex resumes, erections slowly return to regular.

To avoid this sometimes difficult time for a male, he can ask his doctor to recommend him an erection medication. This medication can act as a starter at the beginning, like for an automobile that has actually been in the garage for a long time!

This kind of prescription is extremely common (if there is no contraindication) and allows many guys to resume a sexual life that they would not have had the courage to begin once again for fear of failure.